This is probably Weeks 8-13 (oops)
Happy New Year everybody. I guess that since I haven’t written in quite some time, you’ve assumed that I have fallen off the back of the challenge wagon. But you would be wrong. I have only failed to write a word since I was in Texas, I have continued with the challenge in earnest and hey, look, I lost 8 weeks or so since I last posted. Jokes aside, I am still in deficit and losing weight and size.
So much has happened over the last two months that it all just blurred into a haze of sorts, while it’s no real excuse, it is all true:
- So much awful, compounding news throughout 2019 (2019’s death toll is just RI-DIC-ULOUS! I can’t) that I retreated into my safe space – i.e. sarcasm, travel and concert tickets. I spent a lot of time visiting dogs (don’t tell their people, I was actually visiting the dogs)
- Arrived back from holiday in Texas to find that work was an absolute shit show – I’d love to explain that further, but I can’t. NDA!
- Work ‘shit show’ led to hours of additional work and a vow to “NEVER TAKE HOLIDAY EVER, EVER, EVER AGAIN”.
- A torn something, something in my left shoulder which now requires an MRI and probably a cortisone injection in three places. It’s no surprise really, last year I tore my right rotator cuff, so it was only a matter of time before my left shoulder felt left out.
- Final training deliverables delivered in time for regulatory Go Live – holy shit this was nigh on impossible
- Terrible sleep patterns – largely non-existent sleep for 3 months
- A wonderful trip to Germany
- ANOTHER election
- Christmas party x infinity
- Further realisation that my future is not in Britain, after 15 years and never having felt different or unwelcome here ever before, until now, and I am birthright British
- Got a really bad cold, that became a sinus infection with an emergency, self-mixing anti-biotics, which I’d never even heard of (over Christmas)
- End of project roll off just in time for the new year and new decade (yay)
- More than a little bit of heartache (not yay)
- Culminating in a trip to Singapore next week which hopefully is the start of a new career, new destination, new future.
On the plus side, I survived it somehow and continued all my training and followed my macros, bar Christmas where I was so medically off my face that I don’t really know what happened all in all. Other than, I both ate and drank less than anyone expected – huzzah!
I was on a two-week Osteopath-instructed gym ban, which was like hell, but given both my PTs were on holiday at that same time, it seems to have worked out pretty well timing-wise. Shoulder-wise, not so much, as it has taken a turn for the worse. When I get back from Singapore, the ‘team’ will decide on the next course of action.
Now on January 2020, Day 3 I can say with a certain smugness, that I have completed 4 months of accounts and expenses, my tax returns and have also shredded about 5 years’ worth of other people’s unwanted opinions and it is SO cathartic.
Next steps involve:
- Continuing the clear out
- Donating everything I don’t use/ can’t wear
- Hiring my mum (she knows) to sell everything else I don’t use but actually has value
- Flying out to Singapore and making my final decisions (and there are many to be made)
The ultimate goal remains – ‘to be the fittest version of me that I have ever been by the time I turn 40 (in, gulp: 57 days)! And that means holistically, physically, mentally and emotionally and THAT has challenged me on so many levels.
There’s a meme circulating that says “The 1 January 2019 me and 31 December 2019 versions of me are not the same person”, the thing is I changed so much during 2019 that there was a “Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter” version of me and I am still getting to know her. I was fighting to be “the me” I was before Sarah died, but I know now that that version of me died with her and I am a completely unrecognisable person compared to that old version of me.
Since Christmas 2013, I’ve had to fight harder for my happiness, fight harder for my dreams and fight the hardest still to even know who I am, and what those dreams are and then fight to ensure I do not acquiesce to other people’s desired versions of myself. The large problem there is, I lost sight of who that was for such a long time that I am only just beginning to understand myself again. I am questioning everything and everyone, as well as the long-term outlook. So, I suppose, in some ways, 2019 was a much more important, life-changing year t